deaf from the light



branded by the sun format



Well my writing powers mysteriously revisited me on the flight from Minneapolis to Frankfurt.

Since getting here I have done nothing except talk to some people in the Hostel. Invited a dude to my Indian wedding and he said I can come to his Morrocan wedding also so there’s that.

Oh I went out for Salsa dancing at Brotfabrik. Forgot about that because it was so unremarkable and not worth the taxi money.  Germans dance it like robots. One Latino on the dance floor was having 90% of the fun.

I leave for Switzerland in an hour… hitching a ride with blablacar, as usual the best way to get around Europe.

Glad I wrote something (two things!  might post the other later)… it´s been months. I think. At least, weeks.



I like this one five hundred percent better than that crappy tree that was my last project.

latest art pen

I had pictures of it in progress too but my phone got stolen.  My friend and I had a stakeout and went to where I tracked my phone but it was pretty inconclusive.  He gave me grizzly bear spray in case stuff went down but nothing happened at all.  I think the location was slightly off.  (Find my iphone is so awesome… be sure to enable icloud services on your iphone in case it gets lost or stolen).

He grew up in the projects so he’s more able to handle Minneapolis than me.  I’m from freaking small town North Dakota, I’m way too trusting and naive.  Hence why my phone got stolen in the first place.  I wasn’t being careful enough.  I rarely feel unsafe, no matter where I travel, or live.  I grew up being able to go wherever, sneaking out at 4 AM to walk around town with my friend, so feeling unsafe doesn’t come naturally to me.  Walking through a knot of loud or drunken people does scare me though.

Speaking of travel I leave for Frankfurt tomorrow! Then on to Switzerland and the Czech Republic, respectively.


Exit from the Circus

2010 Me is hilarious.  I love her.  She’s just trying to figure out what to do with all this physical-ness.  Just wants to cuddle (okay that’s still me, let’s be crucial).

“I need to write that dude a letter. Best friends. I can’t can’t CAN’T do anything physical. We pretty much shouldn’t even hug. Even if he was single. CAN’T let myself go for him. Never never never.”

I did have a lot  of guilt, just trying to make myself NOT TOUCH.  Wonder what I would have been like if I wouldn’t have grown up in the conservative Christian realm.  Well… part of it is also I was SURE that if I did anything with the above, it would ruin our best friendship…

“So I don’t know what to think. M*** and I had our “talk” today. It was supposed to be me telling him I’d never date him and him convincing me I was wrong about him.. but it ended up being him trying to have a legit talk with me, while I just tried to kiss him but he wouldn’t let me. So… I don’t really know?”

2010 Me had a crush on EVERYONE, for real.  Every. Dude. And I was around my brother’s friends  which gave me a lot of men to choose from (not like I usually chose, had a crush on almost every single one).  Then ultimately decided the one I wanted was the one who was actually gay which didn’t work out too well for me.

(poem removed, a little too much. available upon request)

I was always trying to reign myself in. Do less, want less, cuddle less, hug less, DO NOT GET ATTACHED written on my mental mirror in lipstick… I think when I finally let go of that, it’s what enabled me to be in a mature relationship.  Someone I met in Ireland told me to never close the valve on your heart… Let your love flow out completely.  He was a Reiki healer… and possibly the best Salsa dancer I’ve ever met.

Of course it did take a mental breakdown to really re-engineer my heart to enable it for these acrobatics that are now commonplace.

Or maybe my heart is just finally free to be without restriction.  No contortions necessary.


Trust issues

Halfway between turn the other cheek and an eye for an eye but leaning toward the optical… I got too much rage for this country and I can see why everyone wants a gun because at least you have the ability to shoot up a nightclub when you get too angry.  Blood is such a bright something-happened color.  “I want the option to kill someone”.  I can never get to that statement.  Maybe a sharp knife.  There are people I wish couldn’t reproduce.  Rapists.  I don’t know if you can pass that on genetically but maybe some day we won’t have to wonder.  Do not allow to breed, sign around the neck.  Seems selfish to have babies when there are already too many on this planet without parents, without good parents, but we gotta outbreed the douchebags or they’re gonna overrun the earth (Trump supporters, I’m looking at you).

You shouldn’t have to bring a gun when you’re going out to dance.  You shouldn’t be punished for whom you love.   Barring minors.


Felt like that first mess needed clarification.   In case you wondered exactly which side of the fence I eat grass from.



Travel Arsenal

For ladies in general.

The thing I always bring with me when I travel.  A 78 *28 inches Pashmina scarf.  It’s not technically Pashmina and silk, but it’s the same size and it’s more durable.  It’s more of a knock-off fabric.   You can also get them on amazon or most markets around Asia that are for tourists probably have them.

I have used it as

  • a swimsuit cover up
  • towel
  • scarf
  • skirt
  • dress
  • wrapped it around my super expensive camera to pack it
  • head covering at a temple
  • shawl
  • keep my legs warm on an airplane
  • very very light blanket

So basically it’s very very helpful.  Bought this one in Thailand for about 10 dollars.


I’ll try to post my packing list for 3 weeks in Europe soon… I leave in 9 days.  Here’s a song.


whoops forgot I had a blog there for a minute.

First: you need to hear this song.

NOW.  We have a friend from Delhi.  Her parents were all, “Yo, lets make you a matrimonial profile on this website, time for you to get murrrrrrr’d.”  (wasn’t actually there, I’m paraphrasing)

They were going up to Mumbai for the weekend and she goes “Heyyyy actually.. did you want to meet my boyfriend?”

Apparently her parents are really chill because they met her boyfriend and got her engaged to him (at least approved the engagement, don’t exactly know how it works).  Could have easily gone the other way (and has, in the case of two of our other friends, who are forbidden to see each other at all).   She’s happy.

What I’m getting at is I FINALLY get to go to an Indian wedding!  And I get to go to Mumbai with my gorgeous, perfect boyfriend, yay.

I have so many questions for people who get/got arranged marriages, but unfortunately they are on somewhat hm. DELICATE topics.

Most notably, does the sex ever get good? Can you manufacture attraction if it’s just… not there?  How do you justify staying with someone evil to keep your parents happy with you?

Chalk that up on the wall of things you can’t ask your Indian mother-in-law.

Oh and I’ll put up a video if I remember of a House Dance/Salsa fusion class I took today.  It’s! A! Thing!

I’m at the Saskatchewan Salsa and Bachata Congress in Saskatoon this weekend.  Lovely.