class of ’10

So I went back Home (?) last weekend, ostensibly for a class reunion.  Our little dinky informal five-year potluck thingy. 

If you know me at all you know that high school was the black pit for me.  I listened to emo music 24-7 and spend most of my time alone in my room.  I was… unpopular. To put it lightly.  I recall a particularly unflattering comment made about me being “Yeah I’d f*** her, but only if she had a bag over her face so I didn’t have to see it”.

I have dreams about high school.  Sometimes I feel like I’m living my life to impress “Those People”.  And I feel weird about this.  I want to let go of the bitterness, and move on.

So I went back.

Awkward. Awkward. So awkward.  I have NOTHING in common with them.  (Except for one girl that I ran into who I used to be close with and still really admire and respect).

When I was in a situation where I needed to mingle and try to talk to people I panicked.  I didn’t know what to say. 

I felt myself regressing back to former self status.  Uncomfortable in a way that I haven’t felt in five years. 

Those are not my people.

Why did I subject myself to that?  I’m glad it’s done. I’m glad I’m back in Fargo with the people I trust, the people I can say anything to, the people who do not judge me.  I could taste the relief when I finally made it to my apartment.

I forget how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.  They are so much more.  I should have brought them with me,  but I felt like this was something I needed to go do alone.

There is the bustling metropolis of Mott ND looming in the foreground.