caravan

The time of judging
Who is drunk or sober,
Who is right and who is wrong,
Who is closer to god, and who is farther away,
All that is over.

This caravan is led instead by a great delight,
The simple joy that sits with us now.

That is the grace.

–Hafiz

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Anyone who doesn’t like Parenthesis may Leave

Yesterday I had a bonfire (is it still a bonfire if it’s freakin’ tiny? unclear.) for my birthday.

Anyways my friend who is a Reiki healer had us write things on pieces of paper and then burn them.

Things we want to let go of.

Like tarot card readings, I find myself analyzing, trying to look inward and see, (Does it help? Does it work? /////////) on and on and on.

I very rarely give myself up to anything.  I can’t just feel it.

My parents are deeply suspicious of anything “hippy”.  I’m not suspicious. Maybe skeptical.

I want to be able to cleanse myself of anything dragging me down, the things that cause me to doubt my self-worth.

Do I believe that I can?

I guess the answer is maybe, so then it follows that the answer is really

(no.)

—-
also: a song.

San Holo (Saint Hologram?)

Taking the 365 challenge ( I just made that title up)

WHICH MEANS! For one full year, I will not buy any new clothes. 

IF I absolutely NEED to buy something, I will buy it from a thrift store.

But I shouldn’t need anything.

and

GO!

oh here’s a song:

Cut from the Manifesto

So by now (at least if you’re in America) you’ve heard about this Josh Duggar thing.    Got sucked in to the wild web again, researching women who have left the fundamentalist Christian movement:

Consent vs. Purity Culturehttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/05/josh-duggar-and-the-tale-of-two-boxes.html

FANTASTIC BLOG IN GENERALhttps://defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com/


Had a family thing yesterday.  My cousin gave a devotional about how we need to seek wisdom by following God.  Then she prayed over us, while my mom had her arms around me, and the whole time I’m just thinking:


How am I going to do this.


I am not following this path anymore.  My boyfriend is from a Hindu/Atheist hybrid family and I’m just… I’m  just not.  I’m not teaching this to my children.  

I’m not teaching them that they have some special knowledge that makes them better than other people.

I’m not teaching them that only their Christian friends are going to heaven, and the rest must burn in Hell because they were taught something else.

 If I talk for long enough with my parents it always comes back to religion.  We argue.  My dad told me not to have children.  Casually.

I stayed quiet at that.  If my mom would have said that I would have freaked out on her.  I remember when my dad and I used to fight and fight, and I guess subconsciously I don’t want to return to that.

It’s stupid  to assume that my marriage will fail because it’s  not with a Christian.  Considering the divorce rate in America I’m incredibly better off with an Indian.

My mom has this idea that everyone “chooses” whether or not to believe in Jesus.  I find this ridiculous.

Religion is a learned behavior. So so so many of my friends are Hindu.  As are their parents, grandparents and so on.  (Basically the Hindu form of my family, actually).   We believe what makes sense to us.  We can’t force ourselves to believe something that doesn’t make sense.  I can’t suddenly start believing that I am in the midst of a zombie apocalypse any more than any of my Hindu friends can start believing that their lives will be better with Jesus.  My mom tried to convert my former roommate Tanvi once.  Tanvi just said she wasn’t interested, but I think it would have been funny if she turned around and told her about Hinduism for hours and hours.

Christians will not entertain other belief systems.

I have this huge thing written up about this, but it’s kind of all over the place.  It helped me get my thoughts together though.  I should make a powerpoint to present to my family.  ick.

UDC

Ridiculous how much I find myself learning once I actually am done with university and can get into what I’m really interested in.

  • Learn/Relearn what I’ve forgotten about  Hindi (have a lesson this Friday)
  • Improve my Spanish (uhhhhh been lazy on that one).
  • Learn how to lead Salsa (On1 for now, On2’s gonna be a challenge)
  • Become an Intermediate Hip Hop Dancer BECAAAAAUSE (DRUMROLL)

My friend and I (or at LEAST I, considering I’ve rarely been able to get at people for travel commitments)

are going to Urban Dance Camp Summer 2016.

Pumped.

It’s in Lörrach, Germany and HELLA expensive, but I think I need this.  yuh. I’ve decided not to travel anywhere unless I can dance on the regular in a studio.  (Or salsa congresses/ whate’)

except at work

I will love you no matter  how many mistakes I make when
trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table.

I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce
and as the dark spot loves the leopard,
as the leech loves the ankle of a wader
and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture.

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship,
and the passengers love the lifeboat
and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale,
and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.

I never want to be away from you again,
except at work, in the restroom or when one of us
is at a movie the other does not want to see

-Lemony Snicket
The Beatrice Letters

So.

All I’ve been doing is listening to these sleazy reggaeton/dembow songs.  Good times.

I just wanna dance..  Been thinking of possibly pursuing my dream of becoming an instructor (okay that’s a relatively new dream…).

I would love to teach dance.

Solo Pienso en Ti

Sanskrit has ninety-six words for love; ancient Persian has eighty, Greek three, and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling.

Eskimos have thirty words for snow, because it is a life-and death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately.

If we had a vocabulary of thirty words for love … we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human element so close to our heart.

An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love.

Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it come to feeling.

-Robert Johnson
The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden

I’m sorry about the default thumbnail for this video.  I promise there’s no butts in this video.  I don’t know how to change it.

 

Minimal

Well..

Been quite busy so haven’t  had much of a…

Wait.

Complete lies.

I have not been busy.

I have been SICK.

NASTY headache, sore throat, etc.

There’s a show tonight at the Nestor, and the Zombie Pub Crawl on Saturday, but I have no idea if I can attend, as come Sunday, I’m on some 5-days-in-a-row-workweek scheiße.

Hmm anyways… When I DO feel better if that ever happens, I’m hoping to look into some serious minimalism.

I love it.  Get rid of material possessions.   Too sick to expound on that right now.

Have some links:

10 Things I Gained When I Gave Up All My Stuff
Getting Rid of Just-in-Case Items
Letting Go of Sentimental Items

Okay I better go sleep. Peace