i just wanna spend my life with you

Was to be married this year, but he’s marrying someone else and I finally got to the point where I’m really, really cool with it, and happy being single.

Annnnnnd then I met someone..

homeboy is…bruh, it’s like a DREAM over here, I am so so so into him.  First date lasted 8 hours, the conversation just flowed.  He’s so funny.  I’ve never been with anyone who had a good sense of humor, EVER.    I’ve never been with someone who takes care of themselves, he is so healthy, it’s so attractive.  He is SUCH A NICE, HONEST, PERSON.  I can tell when he’s talking he doesn’t think before he talks,  like he doesn’t censor what he thinks and it’s so nice and so relaxing.  Things are moving at exactly the right pace.  We’re joking that tinder should use our dates for it’s advertisements, things are so good.

I realize now I have been settling for less in a big way.  Godddd I hope this works out…

 

I can’t believe this is real life.  Got me all suspicious, but there aren’t any red flags, it’s all green as far as I can see…

 

 

..

Haven’t written or posted becaaaaaaaaaause.  The six month abyss ate me and I’ve been hibernating in all that deep sad.

But I’m back because the abyss has spat me out (unexpectedly and with the help of a very gorgeous man that I met in Berlin who was good for my self esteem.)

Also to post this song that has my head all behind bars.

I know where my brain would take me if I let it.  Not exactly like I’m afraid (why fear the opposite of death… but)
waking up with wings instead of shoulder blades somehow always just leads to a bloody

back.  Claw marks voluntary,
I went to the priest myself, drug(ged) flightless by a syringe
instead of a crucifix.  This cycle is too

familiar.  Stretched out
death, hard to find a horizon that far away.  Like I said,
Bloody.  Back.

Fear/Hope they won’t grow back (future tense)
Could close the door on that universe forever.

time bomb hourglass sand, stupid to not know what’s
inevitable.

Can’t tell which half is the dream.

I’m climbing a staircase.
I know where it leads.