autumn, Invisible Monsters

Autumn just makes my heart hurt. f’real

photos by:


Tell the world what scares you the most” says Brandy.
She gives us each an Aubergine Dreams eyebrow pencil and says “Save the world with some advice from the future”

From Seth:
When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?
A kiss and it’s off on the wind toward Ballard.

Only when we eat up this planet will God give us another. We’ll be remembered more for what we destroy than what we create.

Interstate 5 snakes by in the distance. From high atop the Space Needle, the southbound lanes are red chase lights, and the northbound lanes are white chase lights. I take a card and write:

I love Seth Thomas so much I have to destroy him. I overcompensate by worshipping the queen supreme. Seth will never love me. No one will ever love me ever again.

Brandy is waiting to take the card and read it out loud. Brandy’s waiting to read my worst fears to the world, but I don’t give her the card. I kiss it myself with the lips I don’t have and let the wind take it out of my hand. The card flies up, up, up to the stars and then falls down to land in the suicide net.
While I watch my future trapped in the suicide net, Brandy reads another card from Seth,

We are all self-composting.

I write another card from the future and Brandy reads it:
When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

An updraft lifts up my worst fears from the suicide net and sails them away.

Seth writes and Brandy reads.
You have to keep recycling yourself.

I write and Brandy reads.
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known.

I write and Brandy reads.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never ever the same person.”          

Chuck Palahniuk – Invisible Monsters

I love this book.  messed up, twisted, and downright weird as it is.


Instead of ripping the covers off of it,
          Shaking it violently,
                    And forcing cold breakfast down its throat,

I wish they would carefully wake a sleeping poem
And ask it gentle questions
          Before its dreams are forgotten

Sleep by *Marian-ette

 I love this.

I think I’m a little bit tired of the chase.  

(and then I had a ton of other stuff written out but it started to get metaphorical

so I’ll just write a poem instead)

and then the God-Please-Kill-Me-Right-Now hits.

just submitted a confessional poetry piece for my poetry class

(SPOILER ALERT:  Melodrama)  I am so nervous.  baring my soul to a class full of strangers…. ughhh I feel like puking.  It’s a decent poem though.


maybe I can just live as if I’m being reborn every moment.  no past, no regrets, just endless future.

I don’t think the quality of this is very good.  just look it up on spotify.

i’m a mess, happy or otherwise, depending on the day.

I’ve got a sickness, it feels like love

It’s not contagious, take off the gloves

here are some lyrics for you.

I’ve got a flask inside my pocket
We can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious
I will try to do the same
Well we might die from medication
But we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening
By the morning seems insane
-Lua, Bright Eyes
I live by the word until I die by your sword
Even when I’m dead my head will live inside your RCA cords
I wait for the right time, but it resembled now-a-days
Descended on the Earth to put an end to all your holidays
The assassin covered in plain clothes
Smothered the sunlight and set flame to your rainbows
And then came the storm (and then came the storm)
Bewildered those that didn’t contemplate
Fake disguised as the norm (as the norm)
And when the smoke evaporated and the damage was assessed
The casualities were counted as they looked upon the mess
As they focused they eyes on the horizon, who’da guessed?
All that stood atop the hill was number seven silhouette
-Atmosphere, Tears for the sheep
 when did you stop believing
in magic?