I keep thinking that graduating from college is going to give me this insane freedom… but what if I just become stagnant, working all the time and pining away for my far-flung boyfriend?

I can’t let that happen.

A good website for when you’re worried about the kind of person you might become in the future is .  It lets you send yourself emails in the future.. sort of like a time capsule.  I have a backlog of about 30 emails that are going to start arriving to me soon.  PUMPED. When I was a kid I stuck little notes to myself everywhere, and I would find them at strange times.  Really, I’m still that little kid, sticking crumpled papers into bottles and burying them in the garden.

Send yourself something you fear you might forget..


Also this song makes me want to dance, but I’m sick so I can’t really.


I’ve worked my butt off.  Now I’m in the homestretch… about to graduate, about to finally finally travel and dance with no obligations and no classes! badaBING.


And then in December on to India where my boyfriend is!

And then I don’t know what!


working when I need the money! dancing when I have the money! traveling when I can save up enough to go somewhere where the people like to dance! because let’s face it, the only people in fargo who can dance worth anything are the foreigners!


This is why you should have a horrible time in high school.  Karma gives you nice things later. Or you learn how to snatch nice things DIRECTLY OUT OF THE AIR.

I am happy today because I finished a presentation that I was stressed about, which basically means graduation is right around the corner, and I don’t have many assignments left anymore.  And someone interviewed me about the TEFLplus course in Thailand, which pulled up some happy memories.  😀

exclamation point

ARGHHGHGH planning out my trip to New York! I’ve always wanted to go and I’m finally FINALLY doing it! I found places to go salsa dancing Monday-Thursday, and then on Friday…. we on to Europe!

I’m getting so freaking excited.  I can’t wait to graduate and get on to the business of traveling.  I feel bad that I’ll probably never have a “real” job.  I’ll just keep my CNA job probably.  They let me take a month off whenever I want (two months in this case), so I can’t complain.  It’s a messy job.  But it lets me travel.

This Mexican restaurant called Iguana in NYC has free salsa lessons Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday… I’m so pumped.

Here is music:



you were a vegetarian for
love. two years since the
last drunken kiss.

now my past is the monster under
our bed, kicking the mattress,
fur matted with blood, eyes
rolling with neglect.

I tell you:
the thumps are windsound,
harmless and temporary.

it is difficult to imagine you meeting
this almost-friend,
inviting him to sit near the

much easier to see you
tightlipped and shaking
quietly walking


am I too melodramatic.

and anyways he’s friends with all my monsters or at least knows about them so this isn’t accurate at all. mh.


tryna get together some spoken word for my Creative Writing class. I hate speaking in front of people.  My voice is manly and shaky. I hate how I sound.  anyways here’s an excerpt.

the windows are shut.

what is an ending?
spilled milk, broken cage,
something sharp and blood covered

the answer to whether you can remember the yellow house and forget the ashes
or dress yourself in charred lampshade indefinitely.

I woke up to watch you drink directly from the sun and now
I am begging you to run away with me.

scatter yourself into dandelion chunks, drift somewhere

winter was a mutual drowning,
 where the wailing claw of reality
has left a crust on the rim of every champagne glass.

This was an expensive year for both of us.
the future stumbles indoors and cannot recognize his own brilliance
the past gave us teeth and
when he comes knocking,
prepare to bite down.


worst place to meet people: The OB

This dude at the club tried to put his arm around my waist.

I moved away a little bit.

He tried again.

I pushed him away and said “BACK OFF.”

Then he started walking away and said, “you’re ugly anyways.” so I laughed all nasty in his face. HA HA HA (think santa claus, but different vowels).

He was so short I towered over him, which made the situation intensely comical.  Then ten minutes later he got thrown out of the place for fighting.  heh.

Arrogant dudes will never be hot to me. Not ever ever ever.