away

Minor things keep annoying me… Maybe all this impending stress is getting to me.  Soon I will be moving out, which is even more stressful because I don’t know where I am going to put all my stuff when I am homeless (i.e. crashing on my brother’s sofa).

I will be traveling to Korea and Thailand, going out of the country for the first time alone, going on a plane alone for the first time, AND I can’t even relax in Thailand because I’ll have classes every weekday, all day.

This is what I need though.  I need to go somewhere, by myself, be thrust into something new.  I need to be anonymous.

I have an easy life, I just need to chill out and read books and deactivate my facebook account (in the midst of working crazy amounts to obtain travelgreen) Then I will be less :LSKJG:LKJGwOEGJ. you know.

p.s. travelgreen means money.

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Get Thee to a Nunnery

OA or Why I Became a Nun

I learned to identify rocks in high school: granite, quartz, diorite.  I still can’t identify which men are dangerous, not even on an intellectual level, until I’m busted up on the side of the road, another flower in a bouquet of “I told you so”.  Character judgement as a beginner’s level course is something I flunk out of more often that I will admit to anyone.

Historically, I have been perfectly comfortable gambling on myself.  I have always believed that my heart can take any amount of abuse.  I would rather be a thousand splintered pieces no one else but me would bother to tape together than the reason you’re flinching every time a woman walks in.  I would rather be with someone who doesn’t care about me all that much and even I can see that’s a trainwreck of a policy.  

I’m over here tiptoeing past the sleeping giant of my inner child begging for the cereals with all the sugar.  I’m over here with my “just say no” and my “I’m sorry I can’t do this”.  I’m over here keeping my heart away from things it could break, elephant in a china shop and sometimes

I wish I didn’t have to.

—-

some of this is probably B.S., and I ain’t telling you which parts or how much.  OH MY GAH this is sophistry! Bam! Identification.

I will be homeless for the month of June (until the 26th when I leave for Korea).  Well… not really HOMELESS homeless, I’ll still have a place to stay I think.  I just won’t have a place that’s mine. but hey! I won’t pay rent this whole summer, which will go a little ways toward making up for the cost of plane tickets and the TEFL plus program when I’m in Thailand.

“When I’m in Thailand”

love that statement.

I can’t front like I’m not excited to the point of dizziness

I was purchasing plane tickets for Korea, and when I got to the screen where you get to pick which seats you want, my hand froze.  I will be on a plane to Seoul for eighteen hours.  The seat I pick could change the course of my life.  I found myself wondering what sort of person would sit over the wing of the plane, which sort of people usually take aisle seats and whether I should just go with the middle seat so I can meet two people instead of just one.   Then I started using numerology, contemplating picking 27E since my middle name begins with E and I was born on the 27th.

I can’t remember which seat I picked.

I suppose it doesn’t matter.

This summer is going to be something.  you know, I wonder how I managed this post without ONE SINGLE EXCLAMATION POINT. oh wait, there’s the allcaps. dangit.  

Spoiler Alert: unrelated poetry
——–

Metamorphosis

can’t help but notice how
much brighter your eyes are
when you’re sober

I want to take multiple photographs of the
way your voice doesn’t
shake, the sunflowered way you turn toward the future
unafraid

watching you stand upright without
assistance is
a wine into water miracle and your

spine can be seen from
space

LoveLife

And If she has the nerve to let me
dump a couple last words
I’ma turn to the earth and scream,
“Love Your Life”

Love your life, quite cliche, but I guess that’s me
a ball of pop culture with some arms and feet

-Slug

I want a lovelife tattoo.  More than that, I want a tattoo of my Korean name, 별(it means star), really REALLY tiny, not sure where yet.  I should probably get it done in Korea this summer.

—–
So a while ago, I was at a party and I was feeling kinda down, and I turned to this random stranger and I said, “I’m sad”.

This is what he told me,

“I think you’ll find that the world is a beautiful place”

I’ve never seen him again, I don’t even remember what he looks like, except that I’m pretty sure he was from India.

So, whoever you are this is a thank you.  In case we never run into each other again, I figured it should be on record somewhere.  That was exactly what I needed.  Thanks for not hitting on me, flattering me, or using fakery of any sort.  The world needs more of you.

All systems go, sun hasn’t died
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive

-Imagine Dragons, Radioactive