(and you’d better be alone)

Why does this song relax me so much?   why why why why why (kyu).
This is the kind of stuff I used to listen to.

 I need more.

When I meet someone and they ask me what kind of music I like, I find it very hard to answer.  It’s like being psychoanalyzed, everyone is going to think they know you.

NO ONE CAN KNOW YOU. It’s impossible. Even if you tried to give them yourself, your essence will slip through the cracks.  I don’t even think we are equipped as humans to understand and dig into everything that makes up another person.  It’s hard enough to even understand yourself.  All else is arrogance.

It bothers me that people get me wrong.  It bothers me when people tell me what decisions to make, how each one will affect my life.  Do not presume to fortune tell with me. Do not presume that you are being helpful.  I am open to mistakes.  Let me make my own.

This was disjointed.   I more or less apologize (*less).


what i never
from my mother
was that
just because someone desires you
not mean they value you.
desire is the kind of thing that
eats you
leaves you starving.


Protozoa in E Minor


when I could finally bring myself
to look in the mirror
I was more fascinated than shocked
wouldn’t the wolf be surprised to awaken one day
a hare, instead?
while I was sleeping
or perhaps while I was looking in the fridge
a bit of classical music, a slice of leftover
ruthless detachment
the cage turned inside out and
swallowed me up,
deranged-amoeba style
(although it is possible
I had been caught in your snare
all along,
too witless to know the difference)
This is not representative of my life, so don’t get any ideas.  Have you ever seen a “ranged” amoeba?  Mostly I just write all the time in the hopes that I will get better at it.  Also I’m reading the book Nightmares & Dreamscapes by one of the few authors I can stomach these days, master of horror, Stephen King.  I had this song in my head while writing this. 
This is that fresh, that fresh feeling.
(in all honesty I write because I have to.  Oxygen, baby.)