Heart

It’s like I was dancing on the sun… can you even imagine what it would feel like to be yanked back to earth?

Or like I found a wormhole to a universe where everything made sense.

I don’t wanna tell people about it because it’s so psycho but it’s also the only for real thing I’ve ever felt so it’s hard to keep it in.

Feel myself listening so hard for your reaction… like will you feel this combustion if I tell you about it or will it just be psycho?

Advertisements

Bird Sings Why The Caged I Know – Atmosphere

[Intro: spoken]
Regarde le serpent mignon. Mords-tu, le serpent ? Salut

[Verse]
It’s the bird, it must have been the bird
Disgusting critter, it must
We should have known better than to trust
This disease-infested ball of lust and carnage
Piece of garbage with wings and she has the guts to sing
Get the bird, catch her, shoot her, I don’t care
Get the bird, bring her down to the ground from out the air
Got to tear her apart, let me at her first
Sink her to the level of the rest of us that inhabit the earth
What’s she thinking
Does she really believe
That she’s above the creatures that work the dirt and the streets
See her up in the tree, looking down at you and me
Like she’s chosen over those who walk around on two feet
The bird, the melodies she play
The music she make
Rubbing our faces in the feces of the daybreak
Trying to remind us, it’s time to awake
Antagonizing and instigating my hate
The chirps, I’ll turn them into screams
My feathered friend’s end will justify the means
Disturbed, I’ll grab her by her beak
And swing her in circles until she’s too dizzy to speak
Well I’ll shake her from her branch, tear apart her nest
Break her skinny legs and fry her eggs up for breakfast
(She’s a snake that can fly)
She’s just food for the fleas
She thinks she’s better then me just because she’s free
I’ll shake her from her branch, tear apart her nest
Break her skinny legs and fry her eggs up for breakfast
(She’s a snake that can fly)
She’s just food for the fleas
She thinks she’s better than me just because she’s free

Mania

People I meet usually “know somebody” who is bipolar.  I don’t get any depression or sadness whatever.   I just get mania.   This was my second episode, last one six years ago.  I am so so so sad it happened because recovery is HARD. Picking up the pieces is so difficult.  I cheated on my boyfriend.  I crossed a lot of boundaries.

 

But.

I have danced with God or the Universe.  People don’t get to feel that way without taking drugs.  I do.  I have.  I knew my purpose.  Then it devolved into a hospital stay, as usual.  But before.

 

I danced with the universe.

I had big plans. Huge plans.

End world hunger, end poverty kinda plans.

Buttttt then my friends realized they needed to put me in the hospital for mania.

I’m still wrestling with this.  Who the hell am I?  What is wrong with me?  I don’t know what to do, how to feel.  I’m in “recovery”.  Felt so alive, felt like I was realizing my true purpose.  I mean.  This has all happened before, six years ago.  Just a rerun I guess.  I take my pills. I do that much.  All my muscle has deteriorated. Not working, not dancing. not sure what I am to do.

 

If this disappears it’s tell me its okay by gnash.