Rain mixed with sunrise.

Here’s the thing about gossip and why I don’t like it. It’s like I was out dancing in the rain for three hours and you’re telling everyone I broke into the pool to swim when (let’s get real here) I haven’t been near a public swimming facility in years. I’m ashamed that misplaced verbosity can make me feel anything, even anger.

Even if I could separate out the ruthless from the ones who just don’t care, I’d still be left wondering whether there was any fundamental difference between the two.

It’s raining and I wish I was outside wandering the streets of Fargo for an unbiased shoulder to rant to instead of sitting on the kitchen floor trying to write things.


oh mannn tonight killed my writer’s block. good.  I don’t care about pain and betrayal if it gives me something to pour into the ink.


(wrote this at 5-6 AM but forgot to post it so posting it now)

C’est une transe exquise

why reach for
stars when their
drunken light
stumbles to
us anyway?
maybe a little
late, but eventually…

it doesn’t dim
their shine to
know stars may
not exist any
more, because
(for a time at
least) light was
all we had, to
feast on, and bathe
in, and leave behind
for grey and black
and all those words
we couldn’t take


I have never been in love

(unless the rain and the stars count?) I like having the experience still waiting for me, untainted by bitterness and ruined expectations.

also,  this is my new motto.  I mean… I’ve been living this for a while but here it is in a smashup of letters and phrases (as told to my best friend in a facebook convo):

For now, I’ll do what seems best and throw myself at whatever I feel like, with the perfect blend of wild untamedness and discretion.

you’d think these would cancel each other out.  au contraire!  Discretion just keeps me protected from overdoses and STDs!  bonus!

I love being young and stupid.  I love being allowed to make terrible decisions.  I stay up too late because every single night, I forget how horrible waking up tastes on four hours of sleep.  I dance because I can’t help it.  I write because I have to, and I have crushes on men like I’m a thirteen year old girl.  Once in a while I get what I want, because the universe is impressed by my audacity.    WWMBD.   this is living.


For those of us who are unabashedly weird and crazy and do not care what other people think.  I love you just for this.