With my recent purchase of an air mattress, I officially am able to fit all my possessions in my Buick ’92. Almost four years ago when I had my mental breakdown I got rid of SO MANY THINGS and then it was crazy and a symptom of mania.
But now when I do it, it’s normal, and a symptom of my commitment to minimalism.
“Normal”. Huh. Anyways my year-long no-new-clothes ban is going well. Had to buy new shoes for work, but that’s allowed. Haven’t cheated since I got a hat and tank top from Minneapolis consignment store gina + will, which was over a month ago. Regret the hat, but the tank top is black and simple and therefore I’ve been using it every weekend or so.
Two days until our two year anniversary. More than half of that has been long-distance.
Might have to move there. I’m so tired of the loneliness.
Have been feeling scattered, perhaps because I have been preparing to be perpetually homeless as of yesterday. Maybe also because the majority of my heart is in Delhi and I’m here. Or the fact that I couldn’t get shifts for September and am contemplating OTHER OPTIONS. Such as moving to Minneapolis, thus breaking my heart into more chunks and attempting to transfuse into new soil / or concrete.
I regret the lack of continuity in the post.
I really don’t care enough to fix it.
Halfway through my 16 hour shift. Didn’t get enough sleep last night and I’m crabby and weepy and just…. Gah. I can’t do double shifts. Why would I do this to myself. I have to constantly bite back anger. Really frustrated.
Leaving for NYC in a week. Can’t even work up any excitement right now.
I’m not depressed. I think I’m just… waiting. To be there again, where I know I’m in the right place.
Fargo just isn’t it. Maybe the salsa festival in Croatia. Or maybe I have to wait until India. I wish I could believe in inhabiting the present moment, instead of waiting for the future to bring me a better one.
I want to be completely comfortable and happy. Few places give that to me. Some people do, but they have mostly left Fargo. hm hm hm. Need a change. Leaving to Europe in two-ish weeks. Well first comes New York City which is sort of scary. I believe that most people are decent people. So why would I be scared of getting assaulted or whatever? I’m not really.
I don’t really worry about anything. Unlike my parents (but maybe that just happens when you have children.)
hm. hm hm. Wish I could be a more fun friend and roommate. Getting so boring and home-bodyish.
I need the ocean to go stare at, 4 AM, no fear. I need dancing, barefoot and rained on. I need people who get me.
I should just be happy. My job lets me travel. Even if I have to clean up feces to get the money to do so.
if you’ve ever heard me begin a sentence with “When I went crazy…”
we’re pretty damn close, friends-wise.
It’s my birthday today. Thank you to everyone who got me through the past four.
this song is so good to slowjam to.
Thanks to my Grandma, my Dad, and my Mom, I am now:
A clean freak
And proud of all of it.
Now let’s just hope I inherited some good relationship skills from my other set of grandparents. Very soon this will be the longest relationship I have ever been in. Which means from here on out I’m in uncharted waters.
I MADE THIS THING. My friend saw it, and he’s all “Oh you made rangoli.” Which I have never heard of before, but so be it!
People keep judging me for liking this song. I don’t care about them.
Contrary to popular belief I am not eternally happy. The funniest is at work when I’m having a really awful day and one of the old people will suddenly say “My YOU’RE the happy one tonight!” because I have the tendency to whistle and smile at everyone. Apparently my fake smiles are very convincing.
hmm hmm hmmm I feel very stagnant. Something needs to change.
Maybe I just really need a dance party. Also this video is stupid but I like the song so that’s that.