meragh

0-1

here is a clamored aviary
filled with children too young to
sound human.

a child-owl keens,
too-early wise with anticipation of
lifelong suffering

here flails a many-colored
screech-of-a bird,
angry from wings-lack,
furious at his inability to
fly.

a harsh-throated pigeon stares down
the gaping maw of dependence,

quiet-feathered with the sharp
pain of
helplessness


been taking salsa lessons.  He’s gonna give me half off ($25 instead of $50 !)  because I love dancing so much.  I wanna go to South America.  I think of it as the dancing capital of the world.  Except it’s … huge.  So the dancing region of the world. whatever.    This is my eighth day in a row of work. preparing myself for a MASSIVE paycheck in 1.5 weeks.  I’m so done with school.  I want to graduate.   the end.

A song!

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See You from the Dirt

The Caves or Dream

we hit the ground two years ago and
haven’t stopped crawling
since

defrocked butterflies, a teaspoon
away from drowning
in soil and rain

come lay beside me,
we will count the stars through
mud-stained eyelids

the air will bite at
our grateful collarbones
as if flight might still

take us somewhere dangerous

——

I really love this one.

Another cure for writer’s block: Get someone to drive you around and listen to NPR (National Public Radio) whilst holding onto a large notebook and pencil (pencil can be small or large, does not matter).

Also, this is a song:

snow

Just got my first smartphone EVARRRR, a going away present from my boyfriend (it’s his old iphone).  I spend all day googling “best free apps”  and just generally wasting time under the pretense of “this will get my life organized.”

It’s pretty magical.  And time-consuming.

Here is something very disjointed, perhaps you will like it. (Not sure if I do yet, but feel the need to post something of substance.

Open

I’ve been meaning to ask you
whatever happened to your
picture window heart?

such a bold move
everyone thought you were
crazy

all that glass

there are too many stone-throwers 
too many blunt objects

you were the bravest one
no bars, no gate

the fresh air always came in
through spiderweb cracks

you were the opposite of claustrophobic
the sky poured in and
you inhaled everything

chased bruises
caught them and wore them
as heavy clothing
that could get you through
the winter

The mouth that bites

I always wonder about couples who are constantly crabbing at each other. Do they act like that when they are alone?  I want to avoid that rut.

Why do I always think that I will be able to maintain a better relationship than my parents can/could?

Timing is pretty crucial I guess.  All my relationships have lasted less than a year, so clearly I’m not the expert.

So this is a series of haikus I wrote for my creative writing class.  As usual, the title disappoints me but oh well.

trust

do not be afraid
to starve the mouth that bites you
keep your limbs intact

do not feed the wolves
elbows and fists are weapons
that you might not need

treat fear as a guest
that has overstayed all your
hospitality

when you cannot run
from the clawings of monsters
then you must bite back

terms and conditions

do you accept these terms and conditions?

I should have made you
sign a contract

I promise this won’t mean
anything

not even if I’m sober
not even on swingsets at midnight
river walks during floodstage

I promise you I won’t read between
the out-loud

I promise you I won’t give you my best
“let’s still be friends”
like an excuse
a bone thrown to the
most undernourished of dogs

(don’t treat me like
someone who needs
the pleasant lies of
anesthesia

this is not a disguise for
pain)

this is indifference
and we can have it
too

promise


hmmm hmmmmm reading through some of my older poetry and it is VEH HEH HERRY interesting how I used to feel about certain things.

It bothers me that I don’t even remember who I was talking about at certain points.

sometimes the rain is easier to trust than whatever half assed sincerity you’re trying to sell tonight.  what could be less complicated than two hydrogens and an oxygen? Science is honesty.  You? More unpredictable than lightning, and I never stay in the same place long enough to get struck twice.  You’re out.

I can only guess who that was about.

saltwater

it took decades
to sharpen your spine
into something that
doesn’t crack on the
high notes

now surrounded by
 eight octaves of pain
through the crescendo of a
phone call

(her daughter is in a coma, it would not be
prudent to
even
visit
stay home
they say

stay
home)

you don’t abandon ship,
leave her to cry alone

you don’t even
flinch

—-
I have only developed a few immunities.  It’s mostly that I wince.  I wince and I try not to let anyone see that things still hit me hard, even after being in this job for over half a decade.  I believe in the power of back rubs. I hold hands with old ladies (and old men for that matter) because being alone is shitty.  Falling asleep by yourself, alone, can be downright awful, especially when you aren’t completely sure how long you are going to be around, or who might be there in the morning to help you get up.

Also everyone should watch the netflix original drama “Derek”.  That show is golden.

open your eyes

“What if the magnificence of who we are was no longer held captive by the fear of decision? Between two choices, whichever choice you make will be the right one made. The path you are on, you cannot fall off no matter how hard you try. So call this the year of no mistakes. The year of the heavy sword, but stronger hands. The year where we are no longer stuck in the street but found somewhere between the asphalt and the moon. Inside a sheath of arrows turning itself into wind. 

-Anis Mojgani
_______________________________________________

A golden oldie from way back in the day when I was first getting into music.

zoo

her voice is cream over
coffee, made unbitter
carefully palatable
eyes, twin snake-bites
the most unfortunate of
harsh beauties

do not touch
do not feed

her teeth are the greediness
of bear traps,
she is lonely enough
to never let go.