dadada

At this point in my life some of my friends are married or in long-term commitments… And when I talk with them it’s all sunshine and roses and when-are-you-getting married.

Talk with the other half and hear about how stupid everyone is to get married this early, and how love is ephemeral and not worth pursuing..

pur-SPECT-ive.

Heard to get smug when there’s so many thousands of miles between us.  Like I won the lottery but all the money is in an offshore bank and I can’t access it very often.  can I just withdraw ALL of it. please.

In other news I know a lot of people in inter-racial and/or interfaith marriages/relationships and that makes me happy.  That’s what’s going to eventually unite us together.

Or you know.  We could just keep fighting each other until this planet kicks the bucket.

 

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first thing I’ve written in months and months

I’m going to take you to where the sky falls, where the stars bite cold, where the ocean tastes the shore, leaves, and then comes back for more.  Our bodies were made for dancing, like your hand was made to trace shivers into my spine, begging the feathers to grow.  Flight pulls us toward the moon, like the tides, all silver, filling the sky.

I want to be there when you realize what joy is.  When you fall bone-struck into the wild hymn the wind has been trying to whisper to you since you clawed your way from the womb.  Your wounds are deepest harmonies you forgot about.  Eyes wide open.   Hands empty.

Chords igniting in your veins.

tu tu tu meri

Words are not enough.  How do  I convey this feeling, some people that I know are like jewels tossed in the mud.  Shocking color.  Is this love?

People who will dance barefoot in the rain with me, crowd of baffled onlookers.

People who aren’t afraid to get messy, mentally, physically.  People who let themselves regress to grade school age.

My life has been full of those who deeply impress me.  So lucky.

haven’t been able to write poetry in months and I think I’ve convinced myself that it doesn’t matter.

Another Hindi song for you because it’s still that time of year.

again.

sorry ripped this off tumblr and CANNOT figure out who the original poster was.

This hits me.  I was not taught this.  I was taught only one thing:

No sex before marriage.

Okay I thought teenage boys were just horny and it wasn’t *really* their fault if they just pushed and pushed until you gave in.  I wish I wish I wish I would have known, when someone doesn’t respect the word”No” kick him the hell out of your life.  Once I left for college I never had problems with this again.  No one pushed it, because….

I make a point of ridding my life of anyone who is not good for me.  I have made a business of leaving people behind.

I guess learning things the hard way is the best way to make the message stick.

To any relevant witnesses

I am not at all single. I thought I could be. I thought that was what I wanted and who I was. Turns out, I am in love.  I can no more be single than I can chop off an arm. Glad to figure this out before something got amputated. I’d hate to wake up in ten years going “whatever happened to my left arm?”

Thank god I’m getting out of this with all my limbs intact.

ch ch ch chaaaanges

One day you’re all, “I’m so happy being single, I’d be fine never getting married” and thinking about traveling the world and how awesome life is without a boyfriend/husband to boss you around.

And then you’re in an apparently long-term and very long-distance relationship that your parents don’t approve of.

Dag, yo.

Also have you ever heard of Pomskies? They’re half Pomeranian, half Husky.  Friggin’ adorable.

So cute. So, so, so cute.

organ donor

someday

a group of scientists will
spill the contents
of my heart

out onto a white table

pick through them,
examine everything thoroughly
with
white-gloved
fingertips

and still find
only
you.

————————————————-
Creative writing class is about to start. I have to read my poems to the class.  Ugh. This needs to be over.

terms and conditions

do you accept these terms and conditions?

I should have made you
sign a contract

I promise this won’t mean
anything

not even if I’m sober
not even on swingsets at midnight
river walks during floodstage

I promise you I won’t read between
the out-loud

I promise you I won’t give you my best
“let’s still be friends”
like an excuse
a bone thrown to the
most undernourished of dogs

(don’t treat me like
someone who needs
the pleasant lies of
anesthesia

this is not a disguise for
pain)

this is indifference
and we can have it
too

promise


hmmm hmmmmm reading through some of my older poetry and it is VEH HEH HERRY interesting how I used to feel about certain things.

It bothers me that I don’t even remember who I was talking about at certain points.

sometimes the rain is easier to trust than whatever half assed sincerity you’re trying to sell tonight.  what could be less complicated than two hydrogens and an oxygen? Science is honesty.  You? More unpredictable than lightning, and I never stay in the same place long enough to get struck twice.  You’re out.

I can only guess who that was about.

“forgive them. forgive yourself.
.
it was never love
.
love doesn’t cripple. it doesn’t taunt or torture the tongue. love doesn’t have you bent at the waist but forgetting to pray. bleeding like an oak tree. it doesn’t have you sleeping with the lights on, or hiding from any surface clear and shiny enough to see yourself in.
.
it was never love darling.
.
i am sorry”

— najma-idil
_____________

After a while, being alone in a foreign country gets exhausting.  I feel like I need someone I can trust in close proximity to me.  I wonder if it’s the same for men… obviously the world just isn’t as dangerous for them.  Why would they need anyone “safe” around them?

After hanging out with my Desi friends I kept accidentally speaking Hindi to everyone.  They say I speak it like I’ve been living in India for five years but eh.. think I’m gonna have to call b.s. on that.  Mostly because I understand about 3% or less when Indians speak Hindi.