It’s six AM and I can’t sleep. Jet laggin’ like none other. Transitioning back to the U.S. hasn’t been so hard yet. I have missed some things in the past two months. Mostly people, but the fact that I can dance without paying exorbitant prices for drinks is a nice little bonus. In Thailand I often got kicked out of bars because I wanted to dance without buying anything.
I no longer feel like I’ve left the past behind. Fargo is full of people that know too many personal things about me. Eek, I wanna get out again. Cue the obsessive internet searches for plane tickets.
Was talking to my brother, and apparently my parents were so worried about me while I was gone that they were losing sleep. This makes me feel kind of awful, although it wouldn’t have changed anything had I known. This is something I had to do. Why worry about something you have no power over? It must have something to do with having kids. I remain every joyful about my lack of uterus-spawn.
Besides, Patong is full of cops. No one there wants to mess up their source of income (tourists). I always felt safe, even walking home in the early AM, alone.
On my last day, I met a Thai taxi driver who was impressed with my (very limited) grasp on the Thai language. I wanted to cross the street and traffic was pretty bad, so he had me take his arm, and walked me very slowly across the street (with a huge line of cars zooming toward us) while humming the wedding march. That sort of comical openness to strangers is something I will miss. I suspect it would have been even better in the non-touristy parts of Thailand (although the language barrier would be terrible).
Fun fact: There is no road rage in Thailand. They are crazy/dangerous drivers, sure. But they don’t get angry if you are in their way/driving too slow/whatever. They simply slow down, or try to get around you. Fargo traffic seems absurdly tame, as if every car is driven by a very careful, very ponderous old lady.
I will go back. Not to Patong, but definitely to Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and some of the tropical islands. I so wish I could sleep right now. ugh.
“That is the simple secret of happiness. Whatever you are doing, don’t let past move your mind; don’t let future disturb you. Because the past is no more, and the future is not yet. To live in the memories, to live in the imagination, is to live in the non-existential. And when you are living in the non-existential, you are missing that which is existential. Naturally you will be miserable, because you will miss your whole life.”
I got into a dance-off with a Thai native. Then it started raining like crazy and we were the only two people in the street, (much less dancing) while everyone huddled around in bars trying to stay dry… Then my Colombian friend came out to dance with us (she’s dipping me, here)
One by one, more people joined us, till it was this crazy rain-dance party. Amazing.
This is the first time in a very long time that I am able to say I am living in the here and now. I’ve been so hung up on my past, on the people who think poorly of me, the mistakes I’ve made… I spent a good chunk of my life constantly reassuring myself that “eventually” I will be happy, satisfied, and start traveling.
Even in Korea, there was an undercurrent in my head “Thailand Thailand Thailand it will be better in Thailand”.
I’m here. I mean, mentally. I’m exactly where I should be. The past seems so far away, detritus washing up on a whole other continent.
I have class every weekday, and then I go out with my classmates at night. All together we are from 8 different countries (possibly nine, now I’m losing track). It’s only the third day of class and I’m already starting to feel really comfortable with these people.
I’ll probably never live on the beach for a month again. So it begins.
When I am in Fargo, my stomping-ground, I am more than ready to take on any problem that life might throw at me. I can think it through, develop a plan of attack, then execute it.
Here, in Thailand, where I don’t know anyone, I am pretty much a flustered wreck. I couldn’t find my airport pick-up, so I just went with some random taxi driver, and I didn’t have any small bills so I paid him WAYY too much, and instead of giving me change he just went “hee-hee!” and put my money away delightedly.
Later he asked for a tip, to which I said, “nuh-uh I gave you way too much already,” thereby making myself look like a complete jerk of an American to my guesthouse manager.
Well. I’m here, I guess that’s the main thing. I think this will be good for me, as long as I don’t get lost. I should also probably write my address in Thai and keep that with me.
I want to go out and dance tonight SO BAD but I’m by myself… and… I have class tomorrow. Better not.
if you wanna listen to the French version it’s called “Elle ma dit”
Welcome to Seoul, South Korea. Where everybody drinks and few to none dance. Basically the antithesis of who I am as a person.
I have never seen a country more in need of ecstasy tablets. When someone DOES make an effort to bust it I am inclined to yell WOOOOOH like the obnoxious American that I am and start applauding them vigorously.
How can you not dance when the bass is so loud your veins get confused? Most of the club-goers move about the same as I do on a crowded subway when my headphones are serving me up something particularly rousing. A bob of the head. A bit of foot-tapping.
I hope Thailand has less shy people.
I can’t imagine it could possibly have more.
Just read the second Bridge Jones Diary book, and have become paranoid that I too will end up in jail in Thailand because someone planted cocaine on me. Must stay away from guys named Jed. Also, mushrooms.
I must be in the mood for mindless entertainment because helloooooo Clueless, the bimbo beach blonde ninety’s classic! Something to braindead myself with.
Although. I already feel braindead so perhaps this isn’t needed.
I haven’t been able to write anything aesthetically pleasing in a long time. Worries me. I worry about my creativivity beasts like I assume I’d worry about my children. They may have wandered off and gotten killed or eaten. Or maybe they will just be lost for an indefinite amount of time. Time for desperate measures. After all, you can notify the police after 24 hours. They’ve been gone for weeks.
I AM IN KOREA WHY CAN’T I WRITE PRETTY THINGS. I’d settle for ugly things.
Made this on the flight here. Wrong kind of beast. But nice.
The thing about old people on the subway is I’m never going to not smile at them. And when this adorable Korean gramma is falling asleep beside me and keeps adjusting herself so she won’t fall into me, I just want to put my arm around her and tell her everything will be okay.
But the only useful phrase I know in Korean is “I don’t speak Korean” and besides I have a feeling this might be a somewhat impolite thing to do.
This is the view from my apartment :
I’m double-posting on here and my tumblr. Oh well.
I swear Seoul, South Korea is the safest place on the entire planet. Where else can you walk through an alleyway in a miniskirt at 4 AM and receive ZERO catcalls? I’ve gotten catcalls in Fargo wearing nothing more revealing than jeans and a t-shirt.
Kinda destroys your whole “her clothes were provoking him” argument. There appears to be no rape culture here. It’s very freaking relaxing.
What isn’t very relaxing is feeling like I always have to be dressed like a fashionable human being. I can no longer dress like a complete slob. I felt way too out of place today on the subway. Then again, I also feel much too fat to dress like the average woman here… Tomorrow I’m going to the rich people district (The one Psy sang about in Gangnam Style).
This song is the most relaxing thing I’ve ever heard, and that’s about enough hyperbole for the day. Goodnight.
I am in Seoul, South Korea! Just ate some octopus with my old roommate and her mom! I am so tired.
gorgeous sunrise when I was about to fly out
I need some white out to fix this… but it’s a gift for my host here. I made it the night before I flew out and finished it on the flights today. (or yesterday with the time change.)
Make no mistake I intend to kill the past with the bright sword of the here and now. It has become very clear that I am the only priest capable of exorcising that bitter-hearted demon.