Huh

I have realized I really have no use for sightseeing. The leaning tower of Pisa, Statue of Liberty, blah blah blah. I like people, and I like dancing, wherever in the world I am. Despite traveling all over Europe for the past month and a half I must say that the summer I spent in one of the crappiest parts of Thailand (Phuket) was much much better than this one.  Thailand was a three course meal. Europe is me stuffing candy in my mouth. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been having a blast… I just don’t spend enough time anywhere to really develop closeness with anyone, and I miss that.  

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I’m still these nervous feet and heart of stone

I miss Thailand less and less… The one thing is the dancing.  If I was walking down the street in Fargo, heard music, and started busting it… I would get locked up most likely.  But in Thailand? Heck naw.  I could dance wherever/whenever, and there was always someone who would join me.

and oh, the ocean.  Except invariably when I wanted to stand at the edge and watch the waves late at night, someone would ALWAYS ALWAYS come and insist on trying to make small talk.  I had no patience for it.

 I should take a meditation class or two.  No one would come up and make small talk with me if I was in deep meditation in my room.  hopefully.

I’m sort of really into a dude.  I cooked for him which I rarely do, even for myself. eee! crazy.

WOAHHHH I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T KNOW IT BUT YOU’RE FINE SO FINE

It’s six AM and I can’t sleep.  Jet laggin’ like none other.  Transitioning back to the U.S. hasn’t been so hard yet.  I have missed some things in the past two months.  Mostly people, but the fact that I can dance without paying exorbitant prices for drinks is a nice little bonus.  In Thailand I often got kicked out of bars because I wanted to dance without buying anything.

I no longer feel like I’ve left the past behind.  Fargo is full of people that know too many personal things about me.  Eek, I wanna get out again.  Cue the obsessive internet searches for plane tickets.

Was talking to my brother, and apparently my parents were so worried about me while I was gone that they were losing sleep.   This makes me feel kind of awful, although it wouldn’t have changed anything had I known. This is something I had to do. Why worry about something you have no power over? It must have something to do with having kids. I remain every joyful about my lack of uterus-spawn.

Besides, Patong is full of cops.  No one there wants to mess up their source of income (tourists).  I always felt safe, even walking home in the early AM, alone.

On my last day, I met a Thai taxi driver who was impressed with my (very limited) grasp on the Thai language.  I wanted to cross the street and traffic was pretty bad, so he had me take his arm, and  walked me very slowly across the street (with a huge line of cars zooming toward us) while humming the wedding march.  That sort of comical openness to strangers is something I will miss.   I suspect it would have been even better in the non-touristy parts of Thailand (although the language barrier would be terrible).  

Fun fact: There is no road rage in Thailand. They are crazy/dangerous drivers, sure. But they don’t get angry if you are in their way/driving too slow/whatever.  They simply slow down, or try to get around you.   Fargo traffic seems absurdly tame, as if every car is driven by a very careful, very ponderous old lady.

I will go back. Not to Patong, but definitely to Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and some of the tropical islands.  I so wish I could sleep right now. ugh.

Notoriety

“That is the simple secret of happiness. Whatever you are doing, don’t let past move your mind; don’t let future disturb you. Because the past is no more, and the future is not yet. To live in the memories, to live in the imagination, is to live in the non-existential. And when you are living in the non-existential, you are missing that which is existential. Naturally you will be miserable, because you will miss your whole life.”
-Osho

————–
I got into a dance-off with a Thai native. Then it started raining like crazy and we were the only two people in the street, (much less dancing) while everyone huddled around in bars trying to stay dry… Then my Colombian friend came out to dance with us (she’s dipping me, here)

One by one, more people joined us, till it was this crazy rain-dance party. Amazing.

pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?

When I am in Fargo, my stomping-ground, I am more than ready to take on any problem that life might throw at me.  I can think it through, develop a plan of attack, then execute it.

Here, in Thailand, where I don’t know anyone, I am pretty much a flustered wreck.  I couldn’t find my airport pick-up, so I just went with some random taxi driver, and I didn’t have any small bills so I paid him WAYY too much, and instead of giving me change he just went “hee-hee!” and put my money away delightedly.

Later he asked for a tip, to which I said, “nuh-uh I gave you way too much already,” thereby making myself look like a complete jerk of an American to my guesthouse manager.

Well. I’m here, I guess that’s the main thing.  I think this will be good for me, as long as I don’t get lost. I should also probably write my address in Thai and keep that with me.

I want to go out and dance tonight SO BAD but I’m by myself… and… I have class tomorrow. Better not.

if you wanna listen to the French version it’s called “Elle ma dit”