This is the first time in a very long time that I am able to say I am living in the here and now. I’ve been so hung up on my past, on the people who think poorly of me, the mistakes I’ve made… I spent a good chunk of my life constantly reassuring myself that “eventually” I will be happy, satisfied, and start traveling.
Even in Korea, there was an undercurrent in my head “Thailand Thailand Thailand it will be better in Thailand”.
I’m here. I mean, mentally. I’m exactly where I should be. The past seems so far away, detritus washing up on a whole other continent.
I have class every weekday, and then I go out with my classmates at night. All together we are from 8 different countries (possibly nine, now I’m losing track). It’s only the third day of class and I’m already starting to feel really comfortable with these people.
I’ll probably never live on the beach for a month again. So it begins.
When I am in Fargo, my stomping-ground, I am more than ready to take on any problem that life might throw at me. I can think it through, develop a plan of attack, then execute it.
Here, in Thailand, where I don’t know anyone, I am pretty much a flustered wreck. I couldn’t find my airport pick-up, so I just went with some random taxi driver, and I didn’t have any small bills so I paid him WAYY too much, and instead of giving me change he just went “hee-hee!” and put my money away delightedly.
Later he asked for a tip, to which I said, “nuh-uh I gave you way too much already,” thereby making myself look like a complete jerk of an American to my guesthouse manager.
Well. I’m here, I guess that’s the main thing. I think this will be good for me, as long as I don’t get lost. I should also probably write my address in Thai and keep that with me.
I want to go out and dance tonight SO BAD but I’m by myself… and… I have class tomorrow. Better not.
if you wanna listen to the French version it’s called “Elle ma dit”