autumn, Invisible Monsters

Autumn just makes my heart hurt. f’real

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Tell the world what scares you the most” says Brandy.
She gives us each an Aubergine Dreams eyebrow pencil and says “Save the world with some advice from the future”

From Seth:
When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?
A kiss and it’s off on the wind toward Ballard.

Only when we eat up this planet will God give us another. We’ll be remembered more for what we destroy than what we create.

Interstate 5 snakes by in the distance. From high atop the Space Needle, the southbound lanes are red chase lights, and the northbound lanes are white chase lights. I take a card and write:

I love Seth Thomas so much I have to destroy him. I overcompensate by worshipping the queen supreme. Seth will never love me. No one will ever love me ever again.

Brandy is waiting to take the card and read it out loud. Brandy’s waiting to read my worst fears to the world, but I don’t give her the card. I kiss it myself with the lips I don’t have and let the wind take it out of my hand. The card flies up, up, up to the stars and then falls down to land in the suicide net.
While I watch my future trapped in the suicide net, Brandy reads another card from Seth,

We are all self-composting.

I write another card from the future and Brandy reads it:
When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

An updraft lifts up my worst fears from the suicide net and sails them away.

Seth writes and Brandy reads.
You have to keep recycling yourself.

I write and Brandy reads.
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known.

I write and Brandy reads.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never ever the same person.”          

Chuck Palahniuk – Invisible Monsters

I love this book.  messed up, twisted, and downright weird as it is.