Autumn just makes my heart hurt. f’real
photos by: http://janek-sedlar.deviantart.com/
“Tell the world what scares you the most” says Brandy.
She gives us each an Aubergine Dreams eyebrow pencil and says “Save the world with some advice from the future”
When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?
A kiss and it’s off on the wind toward Ballard.
Only when we eat up this planet will God give us another. We’ll be remembered more for what we destroy than what we create.
Interstate 5 snakes by in the distance. From high atop the Space Needle, the southbound lanes are red chase lights, and the northbound lanes are white chase lights. I take a card and write:
I love Seth Thomas so much I have to destroy him. I overcompensate by worshipping the queen supreme. Seth will never love me. No one will ever love me ever again.
Brandy is waiting to take the card and read it out loud. Brandy’s waiting to read my worst fears to the world, but I don’t give her the card. I kiss it myself with the lips I don’t have and let the wind take it out of my hand. The card flies up, up, up to the stars and then falls down to land in the suicide net.
While I watch my future trapped in the suicide net, Brandy reads another card from Seth,
We are all self-composting.
I write another card from the future and Brandy reads it:
When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.
An updraft lifts up my worst fears from the suicide net and sails them away.
Seth writes and Brandy reads.
You have to keep recycling yourself.
I write and Brandy reads.
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known.
I write and Brandy reads.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never ever the same person.”
Chuck Palahniuk – Invisible Monsters
I love this book. messed up, twisted, and downright weird as it is.
An old woman once told me the secret to looking young at 95
It’s so simple, really. Sometimes I wonder why we even need all these religions. I will start my own: Throw love around like a contagion.
As Slug said, “I’ll make you smile from the simple fact I’m good at it, I’ll make you smile just so I can sit and look at it”
oh and my Muslim friend is trying to get me to convert to Islam… it is very unlikely that I will. but I told him to get me a copy of the Qur’an in English, and I will certainly discuss it with him. These are my conceptions of it (of course I have never read it, so who knows how accurate they are):
1. It says women are inferior to men
2. talks a lot about killing “infidels”
3. They can’t eat pork
4. Jesus was a prophet, not God
I will let you know what I learn. Should be interesting.
Of the year I turn thirty-seven. Already the little fists
Of leaves are forming inside the knotted ends of twigs
All over Houston. The cold weather is over. This winter
Again there was no freeze. And tonight it’s very late,
And it’s Sunday, and no cars pass on the big road
By the house, but out there in the night
Some kids about seventeen are doing terrible things
They’ll get by with, and grow out of, and remember
The way they’ll remember what love felt like at first,
Before it stopped being the surest path to ruination,
Before it had done the worst it could and passed away.
And to them it’s as if those who lived this life before them
Moved with the jerky speeded-up gestures of characters
In old-fashioned movies, their expressions intense
And exaggerated; they roll their eyes and loll their tongues
When the heroin hits their blood. It’s as if the beauty
Of evil lives only in the present, where the drop of dope
Clinging to the tip of the stainless steel point
Catches the light like dew; and it doesn’t matter
That the light falls from a streetlamp with a short in it,
And the impatient boy with the syringe in his hand
Will touch the drop back into the spoon
So as not to waste it. It’s his instinct telling him
How much it means to live this now, before he knows
Better, while he still has a chance to survive it.
It’s the moon over his head with its polished horns
That would slip through his skin if he touched them.
It’s the trees leaping to life in his blood, greenness
Unfurling so hard it almost bursts his heart.
so there’s this website called least helpful.