Chivalry and Kitchen Appliances

though his armor is unmistakably cardboard,
glue dripping out from the
hasty assemblageThis is my assignment for poetry class:
Write a poem in the surrealist mode. Your poem should include genuinely strange, startling, vivid and specific language, images, details, and insights. Don’t confuse surrealism with formula fantasy or sci fi;
you want to draw on archetypal and unconscious (not conventional or cliche) associations as bizarre as anything you’ve dreamed. Be weird. Be unpredictable. Allow genuine randomness into your work

So here goes
Chivalry and kitchen appliances

She is a brown recluse spider
with a lidless blender

a very large blender
ominous in a vague

she resides in a yellow house
in the middle of a maze

a very large maze
laced with auditory hallucinations and
fun-house mirrors

an enormous crowd of people mill about
clutching hedge clippers and
poorly crafted love potions

they are all searching for the correct path
they are all trying to be the first
through her labyrinth,
past the flytrap garden she’s cultivated,
to open the padlocked door

this latest is
traipsing along daintily
fancying himself a knight

he’s picked her flowers (daisies)
he’s written her sonnets (cliche ones)
he’s doused in Armani cologne (Devoted Infatuation No. Five)
the door swings open
our hero enters, offering his gifts up,
a blood sacrifice to Parvati
Into The Blender!
His carefully chosen words mangled up
and hurled back in a puppy-love stenched tornado of
floral sentence fragments
he stands bemused, awestruck,
covered in aftermath
an insect enamored by bright lights
he will stay
and she will weave her web,
she can’t help it.
(she never can)


I have never been in love

(unless the rain and the stars count?) I like having the experience still waiting for me, untainted by bitterness and ruined expectations.

also,  this is my new motto.  I mean… I’ve been living this for a while but here it is in a smashup of letters and phrases (as told to my best friend in a facebook convo):

For now, I’ll do what seems best and throw myself at whatever I feel like, with the perfect blend of wild untamedness and discretion.

you’d think these would cancel each other out.  au contraire!  Discretion just keeps me protected from overdoses and STDs!  bonus!

I love being young and stupid.  I love being allowed to make terrible decisions.  I stay up too late because every single night, I forget how horrible waking up tastes on four hours of sleep.  I dance because I can’t help it.  I write because I have to, and I have crushes on men like I’m a thirteen year old girl.  Once in a while I get what I want, because the universe is impressed by my audacity.    WWMBD.   this is living.


For those of us who are unabashedly weird and crazy and do not care what other people think.  I love you just for this.