When is the last time you let someone touch your face like you were God?

 

you are the updraft
that’s got me melting my wings
on the sun

 

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Face up, untouched

 

Worked a night shift at the nursing home last night.  Memory Care.

Was with one old lady trying to get her to lay down (she stays up till 4 AM usually, wandering around which is cool but then they’re tryna get her up by 8 AM which is not so cool).

Anyways we were singing together and looking into her eyes I got hit with this… phrase “the universe experiencing itself” (Alan Watts quote at end of post).  The phrase kept chiming in my brain.

 

Lost my false duality.  It was like the universe was looking into itself when I looked into her eyes.

Scared me.

These are the kind of thoughts I have when I’m going nuts.  I was thinking “DANG I CANNOT BE GOING CRAZY AGAIN SO FREAKING SOON.”  But when I actually go crazy I’m not usually worried about it… I’m just like… a rocket shot directly into the sun.  Brain screaming in exhilaration.

Getting enough sleep is my only reassurance.

 

 

“Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself. Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.”

― Alan Wilson Watts

This is how a human being can change.
There is a worm
addicted to eating grape leaves.
Suddenly, he wakes up,
call it grace, whatever, something
wakes him, and he is no longer a worm.
He is the entire vineyard,
and the orchard too, the fruit, the trunks,
a growing wisdom and joy
that does not need to devour.
-Rumi

journal

utopia builder
dance anarchist
flow with the universe
the universe as my life partner
as my dance partner
my travel buddy
breathe into you
breathe into the universe

refining chaos into love.

hack the obstacle
obstacle as teacher
setbacks as gift

fear as a lover.

 

rlx

There’s a gun in my mind that
I’m only just starting to learn how to unload.

coiled and tense, hand on the trigger
since age 12.

Something been screaming at me
from the audience longer than memory

HOLD ON OR DIE

but lately,
a whispering from backstage

(let go)

PHX

mask off so I can see your eyes
brutally exposed you ugly beautiful
creature, glorious
in your imperfections, I want
to rip off your armor so
your skin can

taste the sun

there is no damage that can be
done to you without resurrection

you fall so you can fly
this universe the bird mother that
keeps shoving you from
the nest until you

remember what your wings are for.

 

 

Hit full trance state so many times at Dutch Zouk these past couple weeks.  I had to wake up to reality at the end of the night every time.

South

brain’s footprints over
vertebrae, ribs, scapula
blood and

stone

salt dissolved in water
dream dissolved in sleep

floating above a bowl
of star soup

outstretched limbs to
stir nebulae

(could hold you forever

until this world ends and the next begins)

 

Star soup

Looking around myself, like damn, NONE of you could handle the full force of my affection.

(Notable exceptions.)

 

Poem to follow but I’m on my phone and can’t format well.

crazy’s just a word I make my bed in

insist the water is not for me

the salt will catch under eyelids
the sand will scrape me
raw

of course one is safe
if one stays in bed

Lovecage is an oxymoron.

I dreamed I found a teacher or
friend
who would walk the path with me
that no one else would.

someone who would walk me
past the cage, up the
mountain

and end this cycle.

 

How are we going to heal our trauma in such a restrictive society?  We need to scream and throw paint at the walls.

 

Twice I’ve let go like that with soberbrain (not crazy or under any influence) and it was with hippies both times.