coleman barks for blog

-Coleman Barks, The Big Red Book, Rumi

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Shamble

Real life is such a headgame.  One day I’m worthless, the next day I’m god.  I am the same person both days… or?  Schrodingers ego.

Been thinking about the artificial separations humans erect.  In groups, out groups.  GAH.  Hate that.   Sororities, churches, men vs women,  white vs. black (we’re good, but those people… those people over there… they are “BAD”).  Stupid like that.

Thanking my parents on the daily that they raised me without TV.  I don’t do stereotypes.

Why can’t I cuddle and hug everyone?  I can only cuddle and hug Zouk people.  Or my grandpa’s sister.  That woman needs some mad hand holding, wish I lived closer.  Everyone should just be hugging everybody, all the time.  I swear you could solve so many problems that way.

 

Haven’t written any poetry.  The word gods are sleeping.  That’s okay.  I don’t kick sleeping things.  Generally.

All I do is dance, so perhaps my creative energy just leaks out during that time.  Roots through wood floor, energy expelled.

Glorious letting-go

I’m going to Fargo, North Dakota on September 29th to teach a free Zouk class.  They really need it there.  Truly a Zouk desert.   Some people might be thinking I’m not advanced enough but honestly… I am good enough for Fargo.  If they wait for an advanced teacher they will be waiting for a loooooooooooong time.

There’s a free Salsa or Bachata lesson every Friday, and when I went… it was magical.  Everyone was SUPER friendly and open… NO. SNOBS.

Unheard of.  We don’t get that in Minneapolis.  It was really hard for me to make friends in the Minneapolis dance community when I moved here.  Everyone thinks they’re hot sh*t.

Anyways Fargo is totally ready for Zouk.  I’m pumped.

Adventurous spirit.

those muscles humans don’t exercise.

 

The abyss
it’s selfish but I’m glad you’ve been there too

I see it behind your eyes, the deafening waves, the power of that
tumult still causing ripples in your mind

A kind of quiet chaos that made you want to lay there forever
I’m so happy you made it out alive.

We clawed our way back in different time frames, maybe had to be that way,
I was cured by the time I met you (cured. hah)

I need this.  This acknowledgment of the rebuilding process

trees bent over backward
the small miracle, (okay- huge, stunning, life-giving miracle) of limbs that somehow make it

out of the water.

“If Zouk was a word it would be WITH”

-Atoro

I went to Interfusion Festival.  A complete shift in the way I view dance ensued.  Please please, connect with me, go with me next year. It’s in Virginia.  I’m trying to get my thoughts together about the whole thing, so bear with me.

Here’s the thing.  Babies need physical touch.  They need to be cuddled and held or they grow up wrong.  Adult humans are not different.  We need healing touch.  We need to feel that safe touch, nothing to do with manipulation or with sex, we need that touch that doesn’t want, expect, or force. We need to feel safe, protected, and connected.  This is how we feel real.  This is how we feel seen and appreciated.

How does this relate to dance?

How is it to dance with someone, and your PRIMARY goal is that they feel and be safe and secure?
.

How is it when you really see into someone, accept the way they move without trying to force or change
(you know what I’m talking about.. “no no no, you did it wrong, this is how you do it!” *retries).  
To let go of our instinct to force someone in a certain direction, and just move with them, accepting the direction they choose to go in…
 .
There are no mistakes in dance (barring that which puts people in danger of harm).  There’s no wrong way to connect to the music.
.
I swear to you, Zouk is going to change the world. I feel this. I’m here for this.
.
Get at me if you’re as ready for this as I am.
.
This song isn’t… SUPER representative.  But its a fun jam, and something I remember going hard on the dance floor to.
 .

technicolor

A bottle of wine
this is a gift with an obligation

you want to eat my brain with a spoon,
afternoon soup to evening

the stars are dim and blurry, entire
galaxies smudged

I told you I want to be sober next time we meet
the soul is so much sharper then (maybe you
didn’t want to be cut)

handle with caution.

I throw myself at this existence.  lemmeatim lemmeatim

Don’t mind me.

Real life when we talk.  A buffet of layers, I want to
look at each thin husk as it peels from your body, read the
secret meanings hidden there.

tell me, tell me, tell me..

the words that catch the tails of actions.

What are you here for?

How are you finding this universe?

This is what you do

This is what I wrote, sleep deprived and buzzing drunk on unexpected conversation like a flower opening in the dead of night.

Rebirth at Interfusion Festival.

:

 

Paradigm shift.  Pandora’s box… gah I thought I burned that thing but it’s back under the bed. Cardboard and mothballs, what’s in your attic?  There are deep inabilities, the things you ignore that learn to control you.  First instinct is to run and I think I took it too hard when you told me I need to learn how to live in the dust instead.  I don’t even own a mirror, you feel me?

Said I have a dark heart and I want to drown that out.  The heart and your voice about it (please tell me this is not who I am, too many people telling me what I want to hear- I got complacent, yeah you caught me)

Might be cleaning season.  We’ll see.

Z. L.

Zouk Love is Real Love.  Gonna miss you so much ❤  I’m the one dancing with her at the very beginning, before Ethan cuts in 😀

 

(Our interview is in two hours and I’m terrified, tryna take my mind off that)

 

Electric Guest + word vomit for your pleasure

 

Today’s post is brought to you by my brother.  Who always has the tunes.

 

I want to transcend this in a fevered dream.  I chase dancefloors because honestly, that’s an easy shortcut to human connection.  Putting in the dirty work feels like… too much like a 9-5 (but worth it, worth it, worth it, maybe?).  I run out of things to say, suspect you were bored, what do I have to do, throw confetti and do a quiet, intricate pantomime?  Shouldn’t feel like I have to entertain people.  Like I’m not living up to my reputation if I’m not keeping you in a constant state of laughter/dizzy/awestruck, etc.

It’s a relief when I unlock my door, step inside, pull myself in like I’ve escaped.  This apartment is the only place where the air in front of my face isn’t lava.  Being alone is so much easier.  Why do social situations make me feel as if I’ve FAILED.