How do you tell someone
I liked you better when we first met.
Your neck chained up in the costume jewelry of arrogance, I can remember clear collarbones of naivety, the future a bright jewel in your eyes.
I won’t say your chains are beautiful
they are all that is reflected,
what is your pedestal built of
(I miss your feet in the mud with mine)
One can avoid arrogance while sloughing off naivety. Wish you could have.
Also, speaking of people who aren’t arrogant and deserve better. His visa got denied on false grounds. Not sure how to go about dealing with this. If they aren’t going to follow the rule of law then what’s the point?
Government people… THIS is why people sneak into the U.S. This shit is freaking difficult.
Sometimes I get weirdly cocky about my mental breakdown, like yeah I did battle with my brain and walked away wiping blood off my sword, sewing up my scalp with a dirty needle. I WON.
As we celebrate my 6 year crazy-versary (started yesterday, got all those weird status updates in my In-This-Day on facebook), here’s some music way more calm than I was six years ago. Most music would fit that description.
I think we got the Fiance visa. I’m bout to go to India… and maybe… maybe I’ll be bringing him back with me. Will know for sure tomorrow or at the latest, next week.
I hope. I hope. I can’t bring myself to dare to hope, but I still do. I want him here so bad. Thought he would be here… 5 months ago. Is this real..
A map of my brain:
pointless things here and there, the visual tour of
the establishment of an anti-minimalist
Doubt and Certainty performing above the kitchen sink,
delicate acrobats hanging by a fraying cord.
a glass smashed in anger, stage left.
Architecture: manifest hypothetical futures
what was first a mansion,
now looks a shack,
near to collapse.
Could watch with stunned fascination from the
sidewalk as it catches fire
caution tape across my eyelids.
Sitting over words
very late I have heard a kind of whispered sighing
like a night wind in pines or like the sea in the dark
the echo of everything that has ever
still spinning its one syllable
between the earth and silence
–W. S. Merwin
Bureaucracy like a noose. If
-Coleman Barks, The Big Red Book, Rumi
Real life is such a headgame. One day I’m worthless, the next day I’m god. I am the same person both days… or? Schrodingers ego.
Been thinking about the artificial separations humans erect. In groups, out groups. GAH. Hate that. Sororities, churches, men vs women, white vs. black (we’re good, but those people… those people over there… they are “BAD”). Stupid like that.
Thanking my parents on the daily that they raised me without TV. I don’t do stereotypes.
Why can’t I cuddle and hug everyone? I can only cuddle and hug Zouk people. Or my grandpa’s sister. That woman needs some mad hand holding, wish I lived closer. Everyone should just be hugging everybody, all the time. I swear you could solve so many problems that way.
Haven’t written any poetry. The word gods are sleeping. That’s okay. I don’t kick sleeping things. Generally.
All I do is dance, so perhaps my creative energy just leaks out during that time. Roots through wood floor, energy expelled.
I’m going to Fargo, North Dakota on September 29th to teach a free Zouk class. They really need it there. Truly a Zouk desert. Some people might be thinking I’m not advanced enough but honestly… I am good enough for Fargo. If they wait for an advanced teacher they will be waiting for a loooooooooooong time.
There’s a free Salsa or Bachata lesson every Friday, and when I went… it was magical. Everyone was SUPER friendly and open… NO. SNOBS.
Unheard of. We don’t get that in Minneapolis. It was really hard for me to make friends in the Minneapolis dance community when I moved here. Everyone thinks they’re hot sh*t.
Anyways Fargo is totally ready for Zouk. I’m pumped.
it’s selfish but I’m glad you’ve been there too
I see it behind your eyes, the deafening waves, the power of that
tumult still causing ripples in your mind
A kind of quiet chaos that made you want to lay there forever
I’m so happy you made it out alive.
We clawed our way back in different time frames, maybe had to be that way,
I was cured by the time I met you (cured. hah)
I need this. This acknowledgment of the rebuilding process
trees bent over backward
the small miracle, (okay- huge, stunning, life-giving miracle) of limbs that somehow make it
out of the water.