Thought I Was Blind Before I Met You

Cover of Bright Eyes –  First Day of My Life, by Cole Strombeck.   Make this guy famous.

No Lies, Just Love – Bright Eyes

I haven’t cried in a long time.  This is the closest I’ve been, just reading these lyrics.  Kills me.

So please forgive what I have done
No you can’t stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said “Of course it’s your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow”

I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother’s first child
I hope that womb’s not too warm
Cause it’s cold out here
And it’ll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I’d like to make some changes
Before you arive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won’t see no lies
Just love.
Just love.

I will be pure
No, no, I know i will be pure
Like snow, like gold

so’s you know, the 20 seconds it took you to respond were just about earth shattering.  I worry.

this is not representative

shower, dress, eat, work, sleep  

some days
were built to
rip you apart

if your lifestyle
lets you
you can sleep
through them

like bowling pins

as the ball rolls
towards you

For every fear that can’t be named
To calm you down

Your heart starts skipping steps
So you’re farther gone
Than you might expect
If your thoughts should turn to death
Gotta stomp them out
Like a cigarette

Down in a Rabbit Hole – Bright Eyes

You think you can leave the past behind?
You must be out of your mind.

waltzing through the forest of juxtapositions

I alternate between writing these super happy nostalgic poems, and psychotic creepy ones.
this first one is going to make you sick but it was fun to write.  Also it is very inaccurate.  I was a tomboy when I was a kid. I got into fights with boys.

 example number 1

Elementary, My Dear

I am reduced
to grade-school levels of
puppy love

check yes or no
crayon hearts on the wall
no one around to
make me scrub them off

give me a dandelion and
I will write about it
in my diary,
hide the key under my mattress

let’s build a blanket fort

let’s climb a tree
while they chant the spelling
that makes us blush

let’s drink milkshakes
from the same glass,
then make our parents pay for them
when they tell us we’re
too young to date

compare that with this,
 example number two



she has a platter
and a glint in her eye
little miss fifties housewife
little miss fanged-doily
her voice is smooth
(try my patience!
try my patients!)
just what or who is she
offering you?
The slice is
pepto-bismol pink
you say to yourself,
“this looks ghastly,
but I mustn’t be impolite.”
she is ready
she is smiling
she hands you a fork
I had a good talk with my friend yesterday.  He’s in treatment for depression in Houston, shout-out to someone he met there who supposedly reads my blog: Emily A. L.   emily? emily? are you out there???? thanks for reading 🙂
I was talking to my brother last night and it’s kind of sad when you’re surprised to see someone happy.   I haven’t seen him happy since before I had my mental breakdown.
Sometimes I get these horrible flashbacks of the way his face looked when he was in absolute misery
because of me.
That’s actually the one reason I regret well… what happened last year.  All the hell it put him through.  And my parents, grandparents, and cousins.  I also regret how public, and facebook-documented it all was.



I’ve got a sickness, it feels like love

It’s not contagious, take off the gloves

here are some lyrics for you.

I’ve got a flask inside my pocket
We can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious
I will try to do the same
Well we might die from medication
But we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening
By the morning seems insane
-Lua, Bright Eyes
I live by the word until I die by your sword
Even when I’m dead my head will live inside your RCA cords
I wait for the right time, but it resembled now-a-days
Descended on the Earth to put an end to all your holidays
The assassin covered in plain clothes
Smothered the sunlight and set flame to your rainbows
And then came the storm (and then came the storm)
Bewildered those that didn’t contemplate
Fake disguised as the norm (as the norm)
And when the smoke evaporated and the damage was assessed
The casualities were counted as they looked upon the mess
As they focused they eyes on the horizon, who’da guessed?
All that stood atop the hill was number seven silhouette
-Atmosphere, Tears for the sheep
 when did you stop believing
in magic?

I’ll make you smile just so I can sit and look at it

so there’s this website  called least helpful.


hey yeah so autumn is coming… excited yet?
artsaus –

These are a few

In no particular order

Billy Talent
Pens that write exceedingly well
The movie Troll 2
Augusten Burroughs
Elderly People
Ferris Wheels
PopCo (and Scarlett Thomas)
Natalie Portman

At the beginning of things, it is absolutely inconceivable that there could be a terrible ending to it all.  Perhaps there won’t be!

stars that clear have been dead for years but the idea just lives on

I’ve been sleeping so strange at night
side effects they don’t advertise
I’ve been sleeping so strange
with a head full of pesticide
-Bright Eyes


Feast your eyes on the very first painting I have ever done. Ever.  It makes me ridiculously happy. and it didn’t take a whole lot of talent so that’s good because that kinda thing is limited…
So I was reading old journal entries since I have them all over my desktop.  I clicked on September.  Goodness I was an obsessive person.  I wrote like 3 pages on “that dude who broke into my house” also known as “the guy I was obsessed with for exactly one week” and let me tell you, the things I wrote are hilarious.  At least to me anyways.  Take this little gem….
“I can’t believe the turn my life has taken and I absolutely love it. So. Much. My heart and stomach are conspiring against me in anticipation of your phone call in ways I didn’t know they could. Knots, butterflies, the works. I wouldn’t be surprised to find gears or an ocean in there either. When I see you I light up. I wanna be pursued. And if I’m not mistaken, that is exactly what is happening here..”
or how about this
“And stupid or not, the world hasn’t been the same since I met him. I finally found someone. Whether I’m capable of keeping him or not remains to be seen.”
HAHAHAHAH I write like a thirteen year old girl.  Less than a week later:
“I come out of my room, and I’m just like, “why are you in here, HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE??” and he’s like, well I just opened the door, and came in, how else? And I started freaking out. I ran downstairs and into the bathroom, turned on the fan and started brushing my teeth”
I love the ending.  I don’t know why I added in that I brushed my teeth.  I think what happened was I was in there for a long time and then I figured I may as well make the best of my time.  did I mention that all the doors were locked?  What a creepy person.  He was attractive though.