Go. Brain spew.

I stayed in the town you’re supposed to leave when you graduate.  I’m still here. Surrounded by college kids, so, so, out of place.

I know it’s in my power to leave.  Got excuses, but let’s be serious, there’s nothing real keeping me here.

Most of the people I am comfortable with have been gone for a long time.

I feel so lonely sometimes. 

I miss the hardcore talks.  What can I do?  Trust does take time to build up, or maybe it’s just chance that you’ll meet anyone you can give your brain to and know it won’t get regurgitated up backwards.  GET ME.  Just, understand… I feel like I’m on the moon desperately sending my radio signals into the expanse of nothingness.  Hear. Me.  It’s this dance when you meet new people, not unlike flirting but how long does it take to get below surface talk.    How do I take you there without making you crazy.  This is why people do drugs together.  Smoke together.  I HATE the inanities of small talk… that hasn’t changed.

I used to really use getting physical as a way to get behind all the boring I-don’t-know-you-yet crap.  Easy for me to realize that now that I am celibate by long distance.

Ayya he should be here making everything better.

(I should know. How to make everything better for myself. )

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how to meet people


what’s your name?
what do you study?

do you have a list of socially acceptable
hobbies you repeat on days like these
when people want to know who you are?

are you comfortable with who you
aren’t?

have you ever spilled your guts
to someone who gave them away
for free? (because if so, that’s bullshit,
even kidneys go for thousands)

do you believe in God and if so does yours
hate  the ones who don’t?

do you listen to your friends when they
tell you who you shouldn’t enjoy the company of?

would you turn me down if I
asked you to dance?

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One day my sorority told us to think up some questions to ask the new girls.  My index card was too small to fit everything.  Also, mine  were not the kinds of questions most of them had.  I am not in a sorority anymore.