Sometimes I get weirdly cocky about my mental breakdown, like yeah I did battle with my brain and walked away wiping blood off my sword, sewing up my scalp with a dirty needle. I WON.
As we celebrate my 6 year crazy-versary (started yesterday, got all those weird status updates in my In-This-Day on facebook), here’s some music way more calm than I was six years ago. Most music would fit that description.
I think we got the Fiance visa. I’m bout to go to India… and maybe… maybe I’ll be bringing him back with me. Will know for sure tomorrow or at the latest, next week.
I hope. I hope. I can’t bring myself to dare to hope, but I still do. I want him here so bad. Thought he would be here… 5 months ago. Is this real..
A map of my brain:
pointless things here and there, the visual tour of
the establishment of an anti-minimalist
Doubt and Certainty performing above the kitchen sink,
delicate acrobats hanging by a fraying cord.
a glass smashed in anger, stage left.
Architecture: manifest hypothetical futures
what was first a mansion,
now looks a shack,
near to collapse.
Could watch with stunned fascination from the
sidewalk as it catches fire
caution tape across my eyelids.
Sitting over words
very late I have heard a kind of whispered sighing
like a night wind in pines or like the sea in the dark
the echo of everything that has ever
still spinning its one syllable
between the earth and silence
–W. S. Merwin
Bureaucracy like a noose. If
-Coleman Barks, The Big Red Book, Rumi
Real life is such a headgame. One day I’m worthless, the next day I’m god. I am the same person both days… or? Schrodingers ego.
Been thinking about the artificial separations humans erect. In groups, out groups. GAH. Hate that. Sororities, churches, men vs women, white vs. black (we’re good, but those people… those people over there… they are “BAD”). Stupid like that.
Thanking my parents on the daily that they raised me without TV. I don’t do stereotypes.
Why can’t I cuddle and hug everyone? I can only cuddle and hug Zouk people. Or my grandpa’s sister. That woman needs some mad hand holding, wish I lived closer. Everyone should just be hugging everybody, all the time. I swear you could solve so many problems that way.
Haven’t written any poetry. The word gods are sleeping. That’s okay. I don’t kick sleeping things. Generally.
All I do is dance, so perhaps my creative energy just leaks out during that time. Roots through wood floor, energy expelled.
I’m going to Fargo, North Dakota on September 29th to teach a free Zouk class. They really need it there. Truly a Zouk desert. Some people might be thinking I’m not advanced enough but honestly… I am good enough for Fargo. If they wait for an advanced teacher they will be waiting for a loooooooooooong time.
There’s a free Salsa or Bachata lesson every Friday, and when I went… it was magical. Everyone was SUPER friendly and open… NO. SNOBS.
Unheard of. We don’t get that in Minneapolis. It was really hard for me to make friends in the Minneapolis dance community when I moved here. Everyone thinks they’re hot sh*t.
Anyways Fargo is totally ready for Zouk. I’m pumped.
it’s selfish but I’m glad you’ve been there too
I see it behind your eyes, the deafening waves, the power of that
tumult still causing ripples in your mind
A kind of quiet chaos that made you want to lay there forever
I’m so happy you made it out alive.
We clawed our way back in different time frames, maybe had to be that way,
I was cured by the time I met you (cured. hah)
I need this. This acknowledgment of the rebuilding process
trees bent over backward
the small miracle, (okay- huge, stunning, life-giving miracle) of limbs that somehow make it
out of the water.
I went to Interfusion Festival. A complete shift in the way I view dance ensued. Please please, connect with me, go with me next year. It’s in Virginia. I’m trying to get my thoughts together about the whole thing, so bear with me.
Here’s the thing. Babies need physical touch. They need to be cuddled and held or they grow up wrong. Adult humans are not different. We need healing touch. We need to feel that safe touch, nothing to do with manipulation or with sex, we need that touch that doesn’t want, expect, or force. We need to feel safe, protected, and connected. This is how we feel real. This is how we feel seen and appreciated.
How does this relate to dance?
How is it to dance with someone, and your PRIMARY goal is that they feel and be safe and secure?
How is it when you really see into someone, accept the way they move without trying to force or change
(you know what I’m talking about.. “no no no, you did it wrong, this is how you do it!” *retries).
To let go of our instinct to force someone in a certain direction, and just move with them, accepting the direction they choose to go in…
There are no mistakes in dance (barring that which puts people in danger of harm). There’s no wrong way to connect to the music.
I swear to you, Zouk is going to change the world. I feel this. I’m here for this.
Get at me if you’re as ready for this as I am.
This song isn’t… SUPER representative. But its a fun jam, and something I remember going hard on the dance floor to.