went to bed at 8 PM woke up at 2 AM, now can’t sleep

part of me believes we won’t make it past February.  I’ve never made it to Valentine’s day with anyone, much less the altar.  I don’t trust my judgement.  My brain relies on sleep-deprived emotions rather than rationality.

I am afraid of boredom.  I am afraid of a lack of communication.

I think I like doomed relationships better.  Like a prison sentence that you know will end next weekend so you can get comfortable with the free food and cable.

Beginnings are so pretty.

I’m bad as half of a dual substance.
Raw

you
keep me tethered
twin moons, orbiting

I no longer get drunk off stars only
high on the laws
of gravity

anxiety is an unpleasant and
familiar
color
like jealousy

the dark underbelly of love
bites into my flesh

jeweled handcuffs.

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