I spent the first
two decades of my life
trying to guess the meaning of

I won’t spend the next chapter
trying to escape


I rain on into the refraction-after
into the shine that comes only when
the thunder’s washed everything deaf

I tarnish myself through
the kinds of situations I’m later told
I should have avoided

bruise me selfless
polish my exterior
with your diamond knives

I only get softer

pain breeds wakefulness
I dream through all shades of


wrote this a while ago. I am so numb right now. Need to remember how to live wildly and I really really just wanna ditch this place. escape.


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